Future Adjustments
INT. DIMLY LIT LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The room is cluttered with pizza boxes and a half-eaten rotisserie chicken left on the coffee table, sunken into a pool of grease. JOE and BRIAN, both in their late 20s, sit on the couch, high as kites. JOE picks at the chicken while BRIAN stares blankly at the wall.
JOE
(shoving a piece of chicken into his mouth)
Dude, this premium sun-roasted chicken is... something. Like, it’s the chicken that was trying to achieve its dreams and just… stayed out too long, you know?
BRIAN
(snickers)
Yeah, it’s like it went for a tan and forgot its SPF. Now it’s just a rotisserie turkey with a sunburn.
JOE
(grinning, gesturing wildly with the chicken)
Sun-baked chicken. The future adjustments of poultry. You know? Like, maybe it needs to adjust its life goals. “I wanna be crispy, but not dead.”
BRIAN
(laughs)
Right? But what’s the deal with all this chicken left out? Did we just leave it in the—
JOE
(interrupting, mishearing)
The chicken sync? Yeah, man, like it’s got a social life now!
BRIAN
(confused)
Chicken sync? You mean the kitchen sink?
JOE
(realizing his mistake)
Oh! Right, the kitchen sink! I thought I was onto something with chicken sync. Like, it’s a whole vibe!
BRIAN
(laughs hard)
What kind of vibe is that? "Welcome to the chicken sync, where your leftovers go to party!"
JOE
(laughing)
Yeah, it’s like a culinary rave!
BRIAN
(leans in conspiratorially)
Speaking of future adjustments, I’ve been thinking... what if we made a plan? You know, get our lives together?
JOE
(laughs)
My future can wait, bro! I’m in dependence mode! I can barely depend on myself to finish this chicken without turning it into a horror movie in my stomach.
BRIAN
(nods vigorously)
Independence is overrated! I need a full-time assistant for my life choices. I’m basically a toddler but with a bank account!
JOE
(waving his chicken)
And I’m just here, spooning minced meat and potato skins like a champion! This is the future adjustment I need. I don’t wanna go to the gym; I wanna eat mashed potatoes and regret my life choices!
BRIAN
(suddenly serious)
Speaking of regret, you remember when I thought I was pre-jacked? Like, I didn’t need to work out because I just thought I was naturally ripped?
JOE
(chokes on his chicken)
Pre-jacked? Dude, that’s like saying you’re pre-pregnant. You can’t just skip the gym! What happened to those abs?
BRIAN
(slumps back)
I don’t know, man. I was so sure I could just will myself into fitness. But I just... got fat. Like, now I’m in pre-fat mode.
JOE
(laughs uncontrollably)
Pre-fat mode? You’re a genius! That’s like saying you’re on the edge of a cliff but still waiting for the parachute to deploy.
BRIAN
(mockingly)
“Future adjustments” just means accepting that you’ve hit rock bottom and still looking for snacks on the way down.
JOE stands up, holding the chicken dramatically like a trophy.
JOE
Here’s to future adjustments and pre-fat modes! And this sun-baked chicken that’s living its best life!
He takes a giant bite of the chicken. BRIAN bursts out laughing.
BRIAN
Just wait until tomorrow when you’re making “future adjustments” in the bathroom after those salmonella shits!
They both erupt into laughter as the camera pulls back, revealing the chaos of their living room, a monument to their questionable life choices.